weekend roundup

busy weekend. it was fun. sam 2 hosted a bbq at this sort of campground place and lots of people came. people from work. people from new ulm. people i didn't really know, but it was good all the same. after that we ended up going to La Crosse and seeing Star Trek for the 2nd time. its seeming to be sam 2's favorite movie of 2009. or possibly almost ever? i'm not quite sure. but it is very good. then we went and watched the fireworks. they were pretty cool. however, there were a lot of people. i haven't been surrounded by that many people in a long time. especially american high schoolers. so that was sort of strange to experience again. semi-annoying. haha. i had to listen to horrible comments from girls next to me like, "oh yeah...she has a cute body, but a pregnant face." i mean...come on.

the whole situation sort of made me think about things though. i spent a good part of the rest of the night thinking about my own high school experience. my friends. what happened. how it happened. i think the biggest thing i always say about the difference between high school and college life is that, for the most part, i really have no drama. we are making live-changing decisions here, but for some reason, those sorts of decisions seemed so much more magnified in my high school days.

i mean, i cried during my high school years, way, way, way more than i do now. which, i don't mind. but i sort of wonder, was it all of those crazy, emotional experiences that bonded me, megan, and kitty so solidly? and if so, now that i don't really have those, are my friendships now not as deep? i guess i sort of wonder if i'm living life on the surface. just floating along. nothing new and exciting is really ever happening. like, when people ask me "what's new?" i never really have an answer. its always like, work, school, the norm. or does that mean, that i'm just at a comfortable place in my life? its possible that this lull is just strange to me after going through three and half months of all new experiences.

all of these neuroses are coming from this really insecure place inside of me. and for those of you who truly know me...you would know that i want everyone to like me. really like me. in the sense that i want them to never say a bad thing about me. which is basically impossible, because although i may feel valid in my actions, i doubt they are always right. that they always are the best choice for my friends. and i mean, i can cast it off. i can say that i don't care what someone thinks about me. and that's true about 1% of the time. i can actually throw a person's opinion of me out the window...i think i've done once or twice in my life. but the other 99% of the time i am struggling really hard to be someone likable. so when i screw up and say something stupid, everything sort of starts snowballing. into a post like this. lol. can you imagine all the crap that was running through my mind last night? haha.

i guess what i'm trying to say is this...i am trying to have faith. i am trying to be the best person, the best sort of friend that i can be. i would like to ask that you guys, will in turn, have faith in me, and let me screw up sometimes. like 10 times. lol.

ugh. enough with the emotional baggage. back to The Maltese Falcon.