not working on my paper

Blogger just told me that this is the second time i have titled a post as such. hahahaha. oh goodness. papers are just to difficult to get started. its like once you starting writing it...you're fine. but working up to it, get the info, researching, working on an outline = UGH. so i don't think i'm going to do any of it today. lol. my paper is not due for nine days. my other excuse is that the library is not open today. oh and if you wanted to know...i'm writing on The Maltese Falcon by Dashell Hammett, which you should all read. he's an excellent writer. i can tell now that he was pretty groundbreaking at the time too (1929).

went with Sam 1 to see Tony sing is La Crosse last night. it was fun. me and her. and Peaberry's - that's the coffeehouse he was playing at - is totally awesome. you can make your own sandwich, they have pizza, tons of good homemade stuff, and a whole wine bar sort of feel. i got two bottles of wine. we'll see what happens with them, mostly, i bought them because they look cool. haha. but they do. and i like it.

there are 5 or 6 weeks left of summer. i think that's totally unfair. and crazy. honestly. haha. well, i guess its not so bad though. only a year left of school. and only 12 credits a semester. i think it won't be that bad. i went browsing around online for jobs again today. scurry. i've been checking out places like NBC Universal and such, just because i think it would be cool to have a job there. at this point though, the best fit, from the little i know, feels like Penguin books still. but again, i have a year. i was talking to my mom yesterday about stuff like this and finally asked her, "is it driving you insane that the things we are talking about aren't going to happen for a year?" and she said, "yes." haha. so i stopped.

got a new cd yesterday too. The Bravery's self-titled debut. i have their second cd and its fantastic, so i'm hoping this one will be just as good. i think i'm gonna go...i'm in the mood to get out of the house, so we'll see where that takes me. have a fantastic weekend everyone!

oh. my.

Netflix told me i have rated 749 movies. that seems almost impossible.

if you need further explanation, Netflix gives you movie suggestions based on the ratings you give them. so i've rated movies i have seen, in order to get suggestions for movies i like. and evidently i've seen 749 movies in my life. whoa.

weekend roundup

busy weekend. it was fun. sam 2 hosted a bbq at this sort of campground place and lots of people came. people from work. people from new ulm. people i didn't really know, but it was good all the same. after that we ended up going to La Crosse and seeing Star Trek for the 2nd time. its seeming to be sam 2's favorite movie of 2009. or possibly almost ever? i'm not quite sure. but it is very good. then we went and watched the fireworks. they were pretty cool. however, there were a lot of people. i haven't been surrounded by that many people in a long time. especially american high schoolers. so that was sort of strange to experience again. semi-annoying. haha. i had to listen to horrible comments from girls next to me like, "oh yeah...she has a cute body, but a pregnant face." i mean...come on.

the whole situation sort of made me think about things though. i spent a good part of the rest of the night thinking about my own high school experience. my friends. what happened. how it happened. i think the biggest thing i always say about the difference between high school and college life is that, for the most part, i really have no drama. we are making live-changing decisions here, but for some reason, those sorts of decisions seemed so much more magnified in my high school days.

i mean, i cried during my high school years, way, way, way more than i do now. which, i don't mind. but i sort of wonder, was it all of those crazy, emotional experiences that bonded me, megan, and kitty so solidly? and if so, now that i don't really have those, are my friendships now not as deep? i guess i sort of wonder if i'm living life on the surface. just floating along. nothing new and exciting is really ever happening. like, when people ask me "what's new?" i never really have an answer. its always like, work, school, the norm. or does that mean, that i'm just at a comfortable place in my life? its possible that this lull is just strange to me after going through three and half months of all new experiences.

all of these neuroses are coming from this really insecure place inside of me. and for those of you who truly know me...you would know that i want everyone to like me. really like me. in the sense that i want them to never say a bad thing about me. which is basically impossible, because although i may feel valid in my actions, i doubt they are always right. that they always are the best choice for my friends. and i mean, i can cast it off. i can say that i don't care what someone thinks about me. and that's true about 1% of the time. i can actually throw a person's opinion of me out the window...i think i've done once or twice in my life. but the other 99% of the time i am struggling really hard to be someone likable. so when i screw up and say something stupid, everything sort of starts snowballing. into a post like this. lol. can you imagine all the crap that was running through my mind last night? haha.

i guess what i'm trying to say is this...i am trying to have faith. i am trying to be the best person, the best sort of friend that i can be. i would like to ask that you guys, will in turn, have faith in me, and let me screw up sometimes. like 10 times. lol.

ugh. enough with the emotional baggage. back to The Maltese Falcon.

done with class...sort of

had my last test today. i think it went well...but i guess we'll see. i have to write a paper still though, even though class is no longer meeting. its due in 18 days. lol. and i'm writing about The Maltese Falcon by Dashel Hammet...that i need to finish reading. ugh.

i miss italy. i was looking at pictures on facebook today and it sort of struck me. i really don't feel like i've had any reverse culture shock...or at least i don't think i have. i don't think i bored anyone to death by bringing up my trip for the upteenth time. actually, i try not to say anything about it. it always sounds sort of braggish when i mention it - this normally happens when someone comments on my shoes. anywho, i just miss it. i missing walking around outside the most. crossing the Arno. the cobblestone streets. all the people even...

i saw Transformers 2 last weekend.



pretty crazy right? you don't really get to see much of the robots in that clip, but you get the idea. big action. insane stuff.

we saw it in iMax. that was pretty cool. kelly (she went with me and sam 2) said she couldn't even tell the difference between that and a regular movie theater, but i could. i felt like i was right there. plus the screen was massive. overall a cool experience. the movie, however, was slightly disappointing. it was sort of a "we're trying to be funny this time" situation. to which i say, you have actors who can take the words and make them funny...why not leave it at that? and there were a million robots. it was a big hard to keep track. but i mean, it was bigger, louder, crazier than the last one. that's for sure. and rainn wilson was in it...so bonus. i'm sure they'll make another one. i know they're talking about it. let's just hope they get a better writer.

alright...i'm gonna go...idk. do something. mk. bye.

fast family history 101 (with pictures)

when i was home recently, i actually decided to take some pictures with me. well, they were digital on my parents computer, and i emailed them to myself, but anyway i was excited. my dad has scanned all of this old pictures from my grandparents, and all of these pictures from his life and my and tc's childhood and they are all on the hardrive. so i took some of what he had, and put them into photoshop and this is what i turned out. i've printed all of them and put in them in my room...i'm pretty proud : )

my grandma and grandpa.

my grandma (on the left) with a friend

my mom, playing on a playground

my mom and dad. i think they were either seniors in hs or my mom was in college?

my dad and my aunt sherri.

all the fast kids. this is my grandpa's family.

at the urge of sam 2

i'm writing in here. i know you guys definitely don't hang on my every word...so i figured it'd be hardly noticed if i was gone for a while. that being said...i'll probably be on hiatus until after summer class (july 2nd). things are insane. i feel sort of like i've been stretched to the point that i'm paper thin. in a nutshell.

maybe i'll keep going while i'm at here though...

i was talking to Trista today (the girl my age who works in Marketing with me) about guys. and how i've been wondering if i've started to lower my standards because its been so long* since i've had a boyfriend, or for that matter, even kissed a guy. i will stop now for a disclaimer: if you are a family member and this makes you feel uncomfortable, or if you just plain don't want to hear about this and related topics...you may stop reading now and skip to the bottom of the post. anywho, its just cause, i sort of feel like i'm on the brink of settling. or that i've been acting like it. the guys i like, or think i could like, or have liked over the past year, really aren't up to my usual par. and its sort of makes me think i'm getting desperate. which is a bad place to be when it comes to boyfriends. i don't know. its one of those internal battles i never seem to get over. its the something is going to happen when you least expect it vs. go make it happen. gag. i want to stop talking about this now. lol.

tomorrow is the birthday party at work with Marketing is hosting. so i'm going to be there at 7:15am. whoa. and then another day of Celebrating Excellenc which is a training program we host for new hires offsite. its fun. and sort of exhausting. but friday i get to go see Transformers 2 in imax. and hopefully relax.

see you in a couple weeks.

* four years

professor: "where did you take that class?" me:"...in florence."

i felt like a little bit of a show off in class today. well...i'm actually still in it, we're on our break. we were talking about narratology (the study of narratives/stories) and our prof asked if anyone had been exposed to the terms in the text. i had in italian literature. so i talked about it a bit, then she wanted to know where i took that class. florence. haha. and then she said, "couldn't we all be so lucky?"

so far class is good. i'm basically a fourth of way through it, which sounds really strange, bu true. i'm taking Literary Criticism, which is looking a different ways to analyze a text. the stuff we read for today i finally understood. thank goodness. and everything we talk about is really deep and philosophical. for instance...

some people believe that language constructs our entire reality. we come into the world with already pre-created ideas, because language is already set. we have four seasons because we say we have four seasons. we have words for everything. so therefore, is it possible to tell someone what you don't know. for instance, if i said, i don't know what a lake is...i obviously do, because, i'm saying the word for it. if i say, its made of water. well, i'm saying its a thing - a noun - and i know its made of water. i know what a lake is that way too. i've tested this out on a couple of different people lately. barb somehow got around. i couldn't think of anyway to refute what she said. lol. all in all, though, its pretty interesting stuff.

so the first week is down. three more to go. woot.

work went well this week too. other than that, nothing too exciting has been going on. we moved into our new apartment which is awesome. i love being back at East Lake. everything is so nice - minus a washer that doesn't work - and i can make my room my own again. my parents coming to town tomorrow to bring me the rest of my stuff.

alright...that's all for now folks. have a great weekend!