now...before you go reading into the title...no worries. this is not some post about a deep emotional detachment from the world. its just about me. and my neuroses.
things were different on break. i saw min a lot. i mean...A LOT. which was so fun. i missed her. i think normally when i go home, i don't have that good of a time, so now its strange. and i'm so sick of school. and now that i'm in winona...i feel weird. detached. like i have to grow back into the life i've created. and i know, i've only been gone for a few days. but it freaks me out.
i like things to be comfortable. and its not. because i'm going through some sort of personality, relational growing pains. and i bet this will last for like 2 days and i'll be fine. but it doesn't feel like it right now. like i am the piece of the puzzle that doesn't fit.
and i know sort of where all this is stemming from...and its ridiculous. i have a problem sometimes with having my own opinions. i know that sounds super lame. but its true. like, if something i think it totally different from someone else, somehow that isn't okay? for example the election... i don't know. basically i'm not secure enough in my decisions sometimes. so then when my thoughts or feelings or decisions are different from someone i trust, it gets me all confused. it makes me feel like a lesser person. and now i feel like i'm admitting too much. and the ache in my throat has started...
i wonder if this is all just some sort of stress reaction. two weeks left of school. about 6 weeks before i'm out of the country. and the biggest question about that is...how hard is it going to be to fit back into my old life after that? how much with my friends have moved on by the time i'm in MN again? will they still want to talk to me? will they still be interested in me?
wow. this is turning into a super big pity party. and i'm pulling the plug.
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1 comments:
I'm sorry, but seriously with this: "how much with my friends have moved on by the time i'm in MN again? will they still want to talk to me? will they still be interested in me?"
You obviously don't think too highly of us. :p
Furthermore, (and maybe it will be different for you), but for me, coming back was really natural. It was almost like I felt awkward the whole time I was gone, like I didn't belong. I missed being comfortable, so I just sort of jumped into comfort when I got back in the country.
As far as the opinion thing goes: I don't think you have to feel like a lesser person. For one, I think most people like to have someone else think the same things they do. I know that I do. I wasn't the one who came up with all that Obama=socialist stuff. I heard it from someone else, and I latched on, because that was what I believed to be true based on the information. I don't think you have to worry about not really forming your own opinions about the election, because I really don't know of anyone who did, unless they were supper well informed.
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